Well this is the blog that perhaps those of you that have been to www.hopewhenithurts.co.uk and found that the blog page is empty have been waiting for! Interesting that I hardly slept last night thinking about lots so was up so early this morning and thought of this whole blogging thing! I hope that I will get used to it and discover how to link to others blogs - for any guys out there struggling with infertility I do recommend http://faithfertility.blogspot.com/ where Jon blogs about his infertility.
I've been thinking about it being ok to cry again - everything in me wants to hold tears back and not let people in, even my husband - my main man! Last night when I was going to bed it cracked - I hate Mother's Day so much - society and people in general don't realise what a painful day that is for so many - hundreds and thousands in the UK are probably feeling the same way as me. I have to admit last night I desperately tried to hold back the tears but I couldn't stop them - they just kept coming, yet again I heard my husband saying those words 'just let it out, you are allowed to cry' - I keep wondering if I should let him record that phrase so that he doesn't have to keep saying it to me - Ha! Ha!
In the midst of our pain we still acknowledge that our Mum's are great, still send them a card, still know that the family does special things for them - but it's a day that I wish I didn't have hear about, see on the news, anything in fact - today is a day that I would rather just shut the World out, ignore and let my ache not feel quite so intense. Everything is risky on a day like today - it doesn't take much for tears to flow, I was speaking to someone yesterday who said that their Church devote the entire service to 'appreciating Mum's' and I wondered how some who find this such a painful day handle it. I wonder if the Church in the UK generally don't realise that some 'special services' can be that upsetting - I am not just talking about those of us who live with the pain of infertility, or those that have lost a child or children even, but also those who have lost their Mum.
Perhaps folks don't see how painful it can be but I am struck again this morning of the example of Jesus - the depth of His compassion. In Luke 7v 11-17 we see a glimmer of the depth of that compassion - a widow who has lost her only son - the NKJV says that 'His heart went out to her,' the NLT says 'His heart overflowed with compassion, The Message says 'His heart broke,' now this is compassion - this is not just saying 'oh poor woman' and then carrying on regardless of her situation. NO! This is Him seeing and feeling her pain, her loss, her desperation, her whole situation. I wish I saw more compassion, I wish that I felt a greater compassion for the hurting and for the lost. Goodness when I think of the compassion that we should have for those who don't know Jesus - my journey has been hard with Him, but without Him it would have been intolerably worse!
............oh for a greater heart of compassion, even on a day like today!