It wasn't the best of starts to a meeting with all the women there around 30 years older than me and I texted my husband saying please pray! Fortunately others arrived and my ill-ease put to flight! The teaching was just so helpful about being women of the Spirit and I realised afresh how vital it is that I am full of God's Holy Spirit - not only for my own walk with God, but my encouragement of others, my heart for the lost........my worship.......giftings from God.........etc etc - I could go on. I guess that you could say I could see that I wasn't filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit - more nearer the red E like the one that shows on your petrol dial! I have been more concerned with managing to scrape through, to be everything that I am 'supposed' to be and to do everything I am supposed to do that I hadn't actually realised how I was running on empty!
But you know God already knew - and He knew that I need a major encounter with Him - all the 'stuff' of life, all the heartache, all the struggles, all the daily battles, temptations, even at times depression and heaviness seemed to have squeezed out how much I needed God! It wasn't 'fine' for me to leave the Church this morning without an enounter with God, without pressing through to Him - it really wasn't fine - but I had to step out of my comfort zone and actually admit that I needed prayer and I have to tell you that this morning I had to learn a difficult, painful (for me) but yet vital lesson - it's ok to ask for prayer. My gut instinct is to always assume that asking someone to pray is like saying 'hey I am not doing so good, I have failed again, not coping, not this, not that, I don't meet the grade blah blah blah blah, here I am yet again.' But this morning someone said to me it would be ok if I asked for prayer every single meeting, every single week or whenever and having thought about that today although it goes against everything that I have been taught as a child and even seen in the Christian world - I realised today how much my priorities need to change - hear me out for a second! It shouldn't be about what others think, it shouldn't even be about me - it's about God, about His precious Holy Spirit - I want Him to get all the glory! I need to put encountering Him far above all the stuff of this World. And as we have often heard that quote:-
But here is a question - are we ever really satisfied with Him!? This morning I tasted precious fresh filling of the Holy Spirit, He just washed right over me, through me - all the struggles, even the heartache was pailed into insignifcance for an hour or so when I was just caught up with loving Him and being loved by Him. Ah yes I was totally satisfied with Him, but not to the point of 'having my fill' do you know what I mean? Spurgeon uses the word 'cloy' in relation to the love of God - a love that will not cloy.
The definition of cloy is this:-
We will never get to the point where something so wonderful will end up being distasteful when it comes to God, it won't be like when you eat too much chocolate - initially fantastic but eat too much and you feel sick - no with God you will taste and keep tasting and keep desiring and want more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and .............................(catch my drift!)
The song of the moment, of the day - has to be this song!
I wonder if we really are that desperate for Him - I know that for me this evening having met with Him today I am desperate for Him all over again! I want to be like those folks in the Bible who had the tenacity and the courage and the perseveance to keep going for Him - to not let Him go until He blesses (sound familiar) to be like the woman with the issue of blood who in that society should not have been around, classed as untouchable and yet she pushed through the crowds just to touch the hem of His garment, for all those saints that have in years passed kept on keeping on - I want to take encouragement and to keep pushing through, to hold Him at His Word, to see Him touch my life and the lives of those around me, to not cower under the weight of past disappointment or be crushed by ungodly expectations that others put on me (or even that I put on myself) -
I have tasted again of how wonderful the Lord is - I want Him, I need Him, I long for Him, I desire to be in His presence, I yearn for Him with every fibre of my being, I cry out for Him - no other will do, no one else will satisfy, this World can offer me nothing in the light of how awesome He is. All that is within me cries out 'more Lord' more of You in my life, more of You in my home, in my street, in Your Church Lord, more - oh Lord for an increase in my expectation of what You will do for You alone are the All-mighty God, the all powerful King of the Universe, no one else is as majestic as You are - nothing is as glorious as You - increase my vision of you! The cry of my heart hand in hand with the desperation for Him is a simple word and that is knowing that He is a God who is swift to bless the seeker, who loves the hungry, who delights in those who seek after Himself - ah yes Lord please...