Look Up!

Last week my computer at work wouldn't work.  I switched off to reboot it - I am one of those people that always turns off something and restarts it if it doesn't work properly the first time!  As I waited for my computer to close down and restart I looked out of my window.  This is what I was looking at:

I began to feel that God was speaking to me as this was the bigger picture that morning:

I felt like God was telling me to shift my focus; to look up, to look at His beauty.  My focus shifted, my view shifted and this became my view from my office window!

I went from feeling down to worshiping Him because He is altogether glorious!
Sometimes in life our focus is occupied with the tough situations, perhaps the mundane, the list of things to do, the cares and worries of our daily lives but if we just looked up all those things would become smaller in the light of our glorious God!

When you can't see ahead

This morning I walked through the park to work.  It was a foggy morning and as I walked through the park I began to reflect that sometimes life is like this - we can only see so far and not beyond.  It struck me at times like that my confidence is not in the pathway, not in the fogbank but in the God that does not shift, change or alter.

I have often quoted the verse Psalm 119 verse 105 which says 'Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.'  Sometimes when I read God's Word it is a light to my pathway and I can see someway along the pathway; other times it is more that lamp unto my feet when I can literally just see the next step.

Through life Malcolm and I have seen times when God has lighted a pathway and other times when we have just literally seen the very next step.  Today as I walked through the park I was reminded that even when the future doesn't look altogether clear God remains faithful and He will guide even if it is just one step at a time! 

The God that gives and takes away

Last Sunday we sang the song 'Blessed Be Your Name' during a joint Church meeting.  My husband prayed out in the service afterwards and his prayer brought a tear to my eye.  This week the song has been in much of my thoughts and in conversations at home.

The bridge part of the song features the words 'You give and take away' - as we have talked at home this week we discussed the way that this bridge is sung at different churches by different musicians.  We have heard it sung in a quieter more contemplative style; we have also heard it sung in a more upbeat style.  This week Malcolm and I talked about the style and how at times we have struggled when it is sung more upbeat; as for us our minds tend to focus on The God that takes away given our own experience and then that final line of the bridge 'my heart will choose to say blessed be your name.'  For us it, at times, has been a matter of making a choice even though our minds, emotions and heart have ached.  The choice to bless His name and worship Him in the midst has been a challenge. 
As we talked this week we realised something on the style; both are completely ok!!!!    A more contemplative, quieter, thoughtful style - a place to reflect to acknowledge the blessing of Him giving or the pain of the God that takes away is appropriate at times but the more upbeat version is also a place of thankfulness that He does give.  It is a place of worship; a statement declaring that He is the sovereign, all supreme, awesome, truly amazing, all-powerful, omnipotent, completely able, the Giver of Good things, the supreme author, the all-knowing, all loving God who is in all of His splendour, glory and majesty does take away - but then in all that strength, glory and power is the God whose name is Comforter, Immanuel [God with us], One familiar with pain, The Abba Father who will not leave or forsake - He won't let go, give up or walk out - no matter how we feel.  So next time you sing the bridge of that song - whether it is upbeat or slower in style, whether in joy because He is the God who gives or in tears because He has taken away, wherever you are at; praise the One that won't leave you, that does not chop or change who is completely able! 
I know this song continues to be a challenge as well as a blessing to my heart.

Addiction and Goodness

Recently it has felt a bit like my husband and I are encountering a mini revival with a hunger after God that we haven't known for a number of years.  It is like, as a friend of ours put it, we have been hibernating and we are awakening and everything now feels fresh, exciting and awesome.  During this period of hibernation I think it would be safe to say that there has been an element of screen addiction.  Trying to take up our thinking with other things either computer, TV etc etc so that we would not have to think about the tough stuff we were encountering.  This morning I really felt that God was telling me that we are moving from screen addiction to Saviour addiction! The longing for more of God, the heart aching for a fresh touch, for a new encounter, for a moment of knowing His nearness. 

This morning Nick Davis preached a powerful message at Southlands Church - it rung such a chord in my heart so much of what he preached echoed true with my experience and my heart.  I was so blessed.  But the prevailing thought that I have come away with is this cry for God to help me on my bad days, on the worst of days to let the goodness of God to be my song, my delight.  That I might be consumed by the truth of His goodness rather than the trial, situation or experience I am in!  God's goodness is not dependent on my situation, experience, emotions, circumstance.  He is good ALL the time whether I feel it or not, whether I am happy or sad.  Oh God give me the strength to declare your goodness whatever.  Whatever I may be going through, highs or lows, good or bad times, joyful or grieving, soaring or struggling - oh God help me to sing of your goodness in the night..........

Making The Choice

Today marks two years since we lost another child.  It's a strange thing to think about - days like this conger up all kinds of emotions: grief, sorrow, 'what ifs', a deep ache and a whole mix of emotions.  Having been through a form of depression I know that today has potential to send me downwards.  Malcolm and I have talked about this, we have the day off to be together after someone suggested that these 'anniversaries' could be a place to positively acknowledge our loss and to actually think positively that our little ones are safe with Jesus.  Even though we are working hard to make this positive it isn't easy so this morning the challenge is to make the choice - to hold on to God.  To hold on to Him being the Lifter of our heads, calling to mind His faithfulness and promises.  Looking to Him and Him alone.  So today is a choice to either look at our empty hands, of who we are not able to hold today or to look at the great 'Who' that we do have and all that He gives us and means to us.......

Fresh Start

In January 2010 it felt like my life crumbled to pieces!  Two years on and we really have been on a journey.  The term 'journey' is overused by reality shows etc etc but it is the only way to describe what has happened to us.  To cut a VERY long story short we have in the past year moved house, area and Church as a direct result of feeling that God was telling us that it was time for a fresh start.  Time to have some space to heal and space to rest where home would be a pleasant place to refresh.  God has led and blessed us.  From a wide search area he led us to a town in Surrey called Horley.  Throughout our move we have prayed 'Lord please lead us to the right Church' - we had a handful of things we were looking for in a new Church - somewhere that would take us as were, a grace Church, somewhere where we met with God, somewhere where noone knew us - thus having no expectations of what we would do or what we should be like - taking us at face value!  We also wanted somewhere that be willing to let us 'just be' for a while - we knew that God had clearly been telling us that we needed time and space to heal. Pratically we also wanted somewhere local so we could walk if necessary and a hope that others from the Church would also be local!  We found such a Church in Southlands www.southlands.org.uk

Since our move it feels like a fresh page and God is once again speaking to us.  I hope in weeks and months to come to share a bit more about the journey of the last two years and to share our continuing journey of learning about God's grace!

Am still here!

I haven't blogged in what seems forever! Mostly because things have been incredibly tough, mixed me trying to fathom how to get through each day positively - it has not been easy and I still like I have a long way to go. I wish the rollercoaster of life was more like a train ride - the ups are good but I could willingly give up on the downs!

The journey of grace continues to be an adventure..........more will come over the Christmas break I hope!