The Battle for Unlearning Law and Living in Grace

After my last blog about grace being confusing I was e-mailing my precious brother in the Lord, Dan Bowen about how tough the battle is for grace and one thing that he said to me really hit me, he said:-

I think it must be because the powers of darkness KNOW that here

is the key to freedom for God's people.

The reason that the battle for grace is that obvious! The enemy does not want us to free, liberated or passionate. I have seen and felt first hand over recent months the adverse reactions physically, mentally and spiritually when grace is preached. The last couple of days there have been other battles in my life - plans that I had made have not happened for one reason or another. I have tried listening to some of Rob Rufus messages from his archive but have been unable (as yet) to get my computer to open any of the files. Again I think that the enemy doesn't want me to hear grace, yesterday afternoon I sat at my craft desk which is right next to our computer and had the grace stream tv resounding round the study for a number of hours. This morning again I have had the grace stream tv on inbetween waiting on my husband (he's not well :-( )and doing things around the house - I am determined to get my brain and heart etc etc tuned in to being used to hearing about grace. I have been amazed at some of what I have heard. My pastor reminded me yesterday that I need to be praying that I would unlearn living in law and actually start praying that instead of the message of grace making me feel unwell that I need to ask the Lord to make the message of legalism detestable to me.

I need to surround myself with people that speak grace over me and I need to hear it and take it on board rather than living under guilt and condemnation because I haven't made the grade........ the journey for living free in grace isn't necessarily easy!!!!!

Grace is confusing!

I have been thinking a lot about grace over recent months and have come to the decision that grace is so hard to fathom and grasp. With some people when you talk of grace they instantly go on the defensive saying that preaching grace gives people license to sin and doesn't give the call that people need to walk in holiness. Others radiate a smile and seem to blossom as you talk of grace - they send out this radiant smile as they realise the depth of their sin and bigness of God's grace and the depths He went to for them. The contrasts are startling! The contrasts are extreme - from serious caution, to awesome, uninhibited rejoicing - but yet both people are saved, both love Jesus, both have a relationship with God - it confuses me!?!?!...........

Snakes and Ladders of Learning About Grace!

I have not blogged for ages! I have come to the decision that the Christian walk is very much like the game of snakes and ladders at times!!! Very profound I know! You could say the last 3 - 4 months have been a case of a few squares forward and then I have hit a 'snake' and gone down a row and then hit another 'snake' on that row and at times I have felt like I was very much back to square 1!

But over this last week there have been some changes - a timely prophetic word cut through the fog and got me thinking! Some encouragement from my husband and other trusted friends and then the decision to start once again to look at grace and to start over and ask God for some revelation and fresh focus.

This morning I started to read 'Captured by Grace' by David Jeremiah. I read the first chapter and to say that I was encouraged would be an understatement!
Here are some snippits from David Jeremiah's first chapter of this book!

"There is no more wonderful word than 'grace.' It means unmerited favor or kindness shown to one who is utterly undeserving.......It is not merely a free gift, but a free gift to those who deserve exact opposite, and it is given to us while we are 'without hope and without God in the world." (Quoting Martyn Lloyd-Jones)

'Grace happens and it acts. "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God" (Ephesians 2:8) Such grace can only come from God. It is the gift unsought, unmerited, unlimited. For no matter what we have done, no matter the depth of our transgression, the darkness of our hearts - grace overrules them all. God pursues us relentlessly, He will not give us up, and once He has captured us, He won't let us go.'

'Grace is the bridge over a chasm that seemed infinite - the canyon between our depravity and His holiness. That bridge is wide and sturdy and sure, beckoning to us to cross over into a life too wonderful for us to imagine.'

'Grace is too dazzling, too bright, for it is powered by the holy heart of God. Trying to comprehend it in whole is like staring directly into one thousand suns.'

Awesome quotes from David Jeremiah - but then he blew me away with this section and I have to type this up because it blessed my heart so much when I read it this morning - read this, drink of the awesome, generous, extravagance of our God who goes beyond mercy and blesses us with grace and with a bounty beyond words..............

Mercy is God withholding the punishment we rightly deserve. Grace is God not only withholding that punishment but offering the most precious of gifts instead.

Mercy withholds the knife from the heart of Isaac.
Grace provides a ram in the thicket.

Mercy runs to forgive the Prodigal Son.
Grace throws a party with every extravagance.

Mercy bandages the wounds of the man beaten by the robbers.
Grace covers the cost of his full recovery.

Mercy hears the cry of the thief on the cross.
Grace promises paradise that very day.

Mercy pays the penalty for our sin at the cross.
Grace substitutes the righteousness of Christ for our wickedness.

Mercy converts Paul on the road to Damascus.
Grace calls him to be an apostle.

Mercy saves John Newton from a life of rebellion and sin.
Grace makes him a pastor and author of a timeless hymn.

Mercy closes the door to hell.
Grace opens the door to heaven.

Mercy withholds what we have earned.
Grace provides blessings we have not earned.


Today is a new start on the road of the journey of learning about grace - I have key friends who will help me land on the 'ladders' but there is grace for hitting the 'snakes' - one thing that I have to learn that such a journey is not one to be journeyed alone; it is to be shared and it will be eventful!
I had to smile this morning as I put on a new jumper - never noticed this when I purchased it but the label inside says 'Grace', I brought another top at the same time and this one is also labelled with 'Grace' - so already today I am clothed in grace - God has a sense of humour!!!

Life, healing, moving forward

It has been a few weeks since our car accident, there have been some tough days over the last few weeks - some dark days of feeling useless and frustration that my body didn't do what my head wanted it to!
Last week I continued to get pains down my arms and to lift my hands in worship was just either impossible or so painful that my focus was quickly removed from God so in times of worshipped they hovered as low as possible and I was desperate for God to act!
On Sunday morning last week I went to Church and had already said to my husband I must get some prayer about this pain - being dependent for weeks on any painkillers I could get hold of and a muscle relaxant meant that when the tablets wore off I returned to pain. So Sunday morning after the service my pastor, my husband and a lady from the Church prayed for me - I left the Church being able to lift my hands above my head and returned home feeling like I had a new neck and back. This week I have felt 'twingy' on and off and this morning I managed 3 hours in the office - am hoping for a few more tomorrow! But I know that since they prayed on Sunday I haven't taken one single tablet and all I can say is that God has made a difference to this healing process.

Yesterday the new car arrived and at last I feel like I can move onwards and upwards knowing that even if there are bumps in the road nothing is too big for my God to handle!

Photos

OK just for Lydia after her comment on my facebook wall I have changed the profile picture but the only other pictures of me are with family - so this is what I look like with a niece and at work!! Ha! Ha! Obviously in my defence Facebook is much easier for photos than blogspot!

How quickly your day can change!

On Friday we were travelling North to see my family and to celebrate with my Nan as she is 90 on Monday - Friday night we were to have a family meal early in the evening and Saturday saw a social gathering where 90-100 people showed up to wish her a happy birthday. All in all a good time was in store - my Nan is a wonderful woman who was saved and baptised at 83 and whose baptismal service is so memorable!

Anyway back to Friday! We had decided the M25 would be a good route but when we found most of it stationary we headed off and I did my map reading through the countryside so that we kept moving. Out for a meal at 6 and knowing that I really wanted a shower and to iron my husbands shirt before we went out plus bad traffic made us eager to get there! We came to a junction on a road - the car two in front stopped to turn right, the van in front of us stopped, we stopped but the van behind us didn't and without warning suddenly my day changed. The impact flung us forward, the bar under my chair went into my ankle, the van behind embedded into the back of our car. It wasn't a fair fight - he was bigger, he was moving......

When we arrived at my Mum's I said to her that I could not believe how quickly our day had changed - one moment all was well the next I was just grateful that other vehicles, signposts, ditches had all been avoided, grateful that I was alive and so was my husband - sounds melo-dramatic but it's true!

Malcolm is running an Alpha Course at the moment at the Church with a wonderful team of people - we always wonder at the beginningof the course what is going to happen - usually something happens that disruptes our lives, takes our attention or seems to take us out of action - but this is an all time classic doing all at once! Our car will probably be written off - time will be needed to deal with insurance and organise courtesy cars while it is looked at, both us have whiplash and sleep doesn't come comfortably, we need to look into getting a new car and this will take time and money - everything changed in those few seconds. I know that God is bigger than all of this - when we purchased our car which came out a huge blessing from someone the guy in the garage described what we needed as a 'miracle car' and on Friday it lived up to its name and miraculously we were not hurt more than we were. My husband tells me it is though God had said 'so far but no further' to the enemy. God had His hand of protection upon us of that I remain convinced!

Jesus went that far for me.......

Ever been locked out?
This morning we shut the door to our house, looked at one another and realised that between us we had a car key but no house key - I rummaged through my bag desperate to find the house keys to no avail. Fortunately we have had some work done on our bathroom and we knew that we could get a key from our builder - but not until several hours later!
What was strange is that we still owned the property, it still belonged to us but for those hours we couldn't get access! It felt weird - we didn't need to go home as we were at work but if we had of needed to or wanted to we couldn't!
Sometimes I feel like that with my relationship with God - He is there, I still belong to Him, there is no question that He is Lord of my life but I feel like I am 'locked out' unable to break through and enter in to all the things that He has for me.
This week I have been reading more sermons by Smith Wigglesworth and he really is straight down the line - he calls a spade, a spade but I can't quite grasp that if the Bible says things then why doesn't God seem to do what we think His word is saying, why is it that at times I feel locked out - like the blessing is not for me.

This afternoon my husband and I sat and watched two DVD sessions by Louie Giglio on Hope and where is God when life hurts the most - I would recommend anyone to get them but warn you to watch with a tissue box near at hand - I did cry and so did my husband! Louie pointed out that Jesus said we will have trouble in this lifetime - and we do but he went on to point out that when the depths are at their deepest to look at the cross - he explained that when you look at the cross even if everything is falling apart you will realise afresh that Jesus died for you because He loves you....... tonight at the music practice we sang a song that has a line 'I stand forgiven at the cross.' It was hard not to weep all over again - He went to those lengths for you and for me and even though life is tough, even though this week has been an exhausting struggle, even though I have felt really low - noone can alter the fact that He loves me (even when it is hard to feel it!) indeed He went that far, to the cross for me!